Psalm 73  

Posted by Tami in

*Once again, Blogger hates me so the spacing is all weird and not even directly altering the HTML will fix it.  Sorry kids.  I'm sure it bothers me more than anyone, being as I really appreciate aesthetic beauty and am anal and hate it when things are asymmetrical.  Such is life.  Hope you enjoy the post and can get over it better than I can!

I sat down with my Bible this morning intending to spend awhile reading through multiple Psalms.

God, thankfully, had other plans.  I was rendered completely useless (aka unable to move on) after reading Psalm 73.  I've oft heard verse 25&26, which I'll address a bit later, spoken of never took the time to read the entirety of the Psalm and I'm overflowing with thoughts about it.

I'm going to paste the entirety of the Psalm (28 verses) and then include thoughts regarding various verses and sections.  It's good stuff!  Don't glaze over it, as I am so apt to do when people post large chunks of scripture (I'm convicted about this and actively working on it, praying that God would give me a love for His word so consuming that I can't help but stop everything and meditate on Him when I read / hear His word).

Hope this is encouraging!

Psalm 73

* [ text ] - my insertions


73:1 Truly God is good to Israel,
to those who are pure in heart.


Starts off giving praise and glory to God, as the preponderance of the Psalms do.  God is good to us, loves us, looks out for us.

But as for me, my feet had almost stumbled,
my steps had nearly slipped.



I love the imagery here... I can completely relate to feeling like I'm walking with God and suddenly I lose my footing and know I'm in danger of totally biting it.

For I was envious of the arrogant
when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.



And now it jumps into the stuff that I had no idea about- the message of this Psalm is, essentially, about walking with God, surrendered to Him, and seeing the seeming prosperity of "the wicked"- how they seem to not have to worry about things like money and they have whatever they want and don't seem to mind oppressing people to get it, nor do they seem to pay any consequences for their wickedness.  Totally puts the end of the Psalm into much better context.

For they have no pangs until death;
their bodies are fat and sleek.
They are not in trouble as others are;
they are not stricken like the rest of mankind.
Therefore pride is their necklace;
violence covers them as a garment.
Their eyes swell out through fatness;
their hearts overflow with follies.
They scoff and speak with malice;
loftily they threaten oppression.
They set their mouths against the heavens,
and their tongue struts through the earth.
10 Therefore his people turn back to them,
and find no fault in them. 
11 And they say, “How can God know?
Is there knowledge in the Most High?”
12 Behold, these are the wicked;
always at ease, they increase in riches.
13 All in vain have I kept my heart clean
and washed my hands in innocence.

I totally understand feeling this way.  I have, many a time, looked at people my age and envied what they have that I want but don't have.  I've found myself envying the mid-twenties girl with the cute body and equally cute husband as they grocery shop without worrying about prices or calories and then drive away in their late-model nice car.  I wonder why I can't have this.  I have frequently wished I could be like celebrities who have more money than I could dream of spending, who can afford to have lots of babies and then spend their time going overseas and helping impoverished nations build infrastructure and programs to serve the poorest people of the world.  I have definitely seen bitterness in my heart when my husband, during his full-time pool cleaning gig, would tell me stories about super rich women berating him and treating him like trash just because he was the lowly pool man.  I've had moments of weak faith where the idea of giving up on pursuing Christ and just doing like the world- pursuing money and a career and status and worth via approval of others- struck me as just about the most appealing idea ever.

Needless to say, I completely identify with this.  I'm not in that place now, but I've been there and I'd be foolish to think I could never be there again.

14 For all the day long I have been stricken
and rebuked every morning.
15 If I had said, “I will speak thus,”
I would have betrayed the generation of your children.
16 But when I thought how to understand this,
it seemed to me a wearisome task,
17 until I went into the sanctuary of God;
then I discerned their end.
18 Truly you set them in slippery places;
you make them fall to ruin.
19 How they are destroyed in a moment,
swept away utterly by terrors!
20 Like a dream when one awakes,
O Lord, when you rouse yourself, you despise them as phantoms.



I could not get over this section- I kept reading it again and again.  To envy those who are perishing, who don't have access to the well of Life, the living water that quenches the thirst for the hollow offerings of this world, is beyond futile.  Even when it seems as though they are at an advantage, and that what I have is second-tier, it strikes me deep in my heart when I read:  "How they are destroyed... swept away... like a dream when one awakes."

I think specifically here of evil people, doing things like making money off of drunken and vulnerable college age girls who show their breasts in an attempt to find love.  I think of the behind-the-scenes people in the kiddie porn industry, people filling their pockets at the expense of children and appealing to the most vile and repulsive impulses of sexually sickened men (and women).  Pimps come to mind, as do those making billions of dollars a year in the sex slave industry- people think it's in the third world, or "those other countries", but it's thriving here in modern day America and it's disgusting.

These people, the ones oppressing innocence and abusing freedom in order to feed their sinful materialism, full of the money I at times envy (understand: I only ever envy financial independence, not the horrible things they do to get it), they don't get away with anything.  God despises their sin, and while if they are elect they can know Jesus and be forgiven of all of their sin, the wicked will be so utterly destroyed by God that the memory of them will be like waking from a dream.  I do this, wake from a deep sleep and for a second the lines between reality and my dream state blur, but then suddenly the fog lifts and I am able to clearly discern what is real and what was only a dream, that which never actually happened.  Interesting to know that this is the fate of many who continually defy God.

21 When my soul was embittered,
when I was pricked in heart,
22 I was brutish and ignorant;
I was like a beast toward you.



These were two more verses I meditated on.  I identify with them so deeply that it breaks my heart.  I love the imagery, though- pricked in heart.  I envision a heart so bitter that it's covered with the "pricklies" of a porcupine or cactus.  Any attempt to comfort it leads to painfully punishing the Comforter.

With that, I am blown away by verse 22- brutish and ignorant... like a beast toward you.  Here I see a big, angry bull, like the Spanish running of the bulls, and it's in the corner, eyes ablaze, pawing the ground in rage.  The Comforter, again, stands with open arms seeking to soothe but the beast, in lack of understanding- ignorant- feels threatened and rages against the very One coming to save it from the crowds who long only to chase it down and stab it to death.

I am so often this way.  My great and loving God stands before me, hands seeking to comfort and soothe and bring me back into camp, the place of blessing and safety, and in my rebellion I rage against Him, brutish and ignorant... like a beast.  Convicting, this is, so very convicting.  Truthfully, with the work God has done recently, this absolutely breaks my heart.

23 Nevertheless, I am continually with you;
you hold my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will receive me to glory.



Absolutely beautiful.  I know it says "I am continually with You" but if you know anything about the character of God this is best understood as "You are continually with me regardless of what I do to try and prevent that from happening" and it's breathtaking to really ponder what this means... even more so, God guides me with His counsel, and He will receive me to His glory.  The sermon this last week was about the glory of God and I love it when God continues the press the point regarding a theme He's working into the fabric of  my life.

25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength [rock] of my heart and my portion forever.



I just have to stop here: these are the two verses oft quoted from this Psalm, and one church I was in heavily emphasized the "portion" aspect, focusing on an inheritance of future ruling and reigning with Christ.  While theologically true that the faithful Christians will one day rule and reign with Christ in His kingdom, I always found myself dwelling on this part.  Dwelling is the wrong word... honestly, I found myself hung up on it.  This idea that I fail and sin but that one day God will reward me was an unhealthy motivator.

I read this with completely fresh eyes this morning- it's not about the end, or God as a means to an end.  It's about God as the means and the end.  I long to be able to say, with my whole heart, "there is nothing on earth I desire besides You" to God.  I'm moving closer to there, but things still get in the way.  I love the lines about God being my rock even when I fail, though; not as means to something "better" but as my once, current, and forever everything.

27 For behold, those who are far from you shall perish;
you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you.
28 But for me it is good to be near God;
I have made the Lord God my refuge,
that I may tell of all your works



Once again, the glory of God astounds me.  As we've studied I Peter in our Community Group we've really chewed upon the fact that our lives are meant for God's glory- from how He blesses us to the trials we endure, all of it is meant to both bring us closer to God and to point others to Him.  Those who run from God- that is, everyone who is not elect- will perish.  But it's "good [for me] to be near God", for Him to be "my refuge", and this is so that others can see Him.

I hope that by opening up about how our great God spoke to me this morning you are able to see Him and are encouraged to turn to Him and bask in His glory for the sake of knowing Him and so that others may know Him as well.

Ridiculous Stubborness & Repentance  

Posted by Tami in

Jonah 4:5-9

Jonah went out of the city and sat to the east of the city and made a booth for himself there. He sat under it in the shade, till he should see what would become of the city. Now the Lord God appointed a plant and made it come up over Jonah, that it might be a shade over his head, to save him from his discomfort. So Jonah was exceedingly glad because of the plant. But when dawn came up the next day, God appointed a worm that attacked the plant, so that it withered. When the sun rose, God appointed a scorching east wind, and the sun beat down on the head of Jonah so that he was faint. And he asked that he might die and said, “It is better for me to die than to live.” But God said to Jonah, “Do you do well to be angry for the plant?” And he said, “Yes, I do well to be angry, angry enough to die.”

It's pretty easy to read this and think Jonah is freaking ridiculous (which he is) and to feel puffed up that I am nothing like him.  Actually, on the most basic level I have been angry enough to die when I am hot and sweaty and stressed- I feel this way during workouts, or when I'm out and about running errands in the Ghettro (part of being ghetto means it comes sans AC) and it's hot and there's traffic (replete with stupid drivers, of course) and I just want to go home and I'm perspiring and I'm SO ANGRY!  ANGRY ENOUGH TO DIE!

I'm also this way spiritually.  I think of how often the Lord is trying to discipline me, gently rebuking me so I can be restored, and I spiritually cross my arms, firmly planted in my stubborn bitterness.  Real classy.  Whenever I don't get my way I refuse to grow, refuse to see God's will as good, and whine that others are receiving God's blessings and I am not.  Again, totally classy.

The Book of Jonah ends with it's namesake's prophet withering away in the sun, with God basically saying, "You are angry enough to die over a plant that did nothing to you, willing to see 120,000 people who are completely and utterly lost perish to hell, and though I am the one they have sinned against I am forgiving them."  Basically-- get over yourself, I am God, you are my prophet, and I am still here, loving you and speaking to you even though I should totally smite you, just like I should have totally smote those Ninevites.  They repented, I restored them, and now you have that same opportunity."

We don't get to see Jonah do the right thing, and we have no idea how long it took him to come around.  But since the book includes details only he could know, and the tone is one that shows how ridiculous he was and how good God was, it's responsible to infer that he did eventually repent and then either write or dictate the Book of Jonah.

This encourages me, beccause I really am no diferent.  I have a rebellious heart, intent on getting it's own way, and I'm still in desperate need of Jesus.  Knowing that He forgave not only a city of 120,000 utter sinners but also his own obstinate prophet upon repentance (not to mention the fact that God is the one who even draws our hearts to repentance in the first place!) encourages me to keep following Him.

Fear & Forgiveness  

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After a hiatus (at first for good reason- too busy and this blog can't dictate how I spend my time, and then for bad reasons- missed quiet times) I am returning.  I am nixing the Day X titles for posts because I get too caught up in how many days it's been as opposed to just living for Jesus and sharing what He's teaching me.


Today was good, though:

Psalm 130:3&4

3 If you, O Lord, should mark iniquities,


O Lord, who could stand?

4 But with you there is forgiveness,

that you may be feared.

I can't get over that.  If the Lord marked my iniquities I could never lift my eyes, let alone my head or the rest of my body.  Yet God forgives me, that I may fear Him.  Fear of the Lord so often sounds like a dirty word, scary, because it must imply somthing bad.  How often do we fear good things?  Yet this word to me is a gentle nudge to tell me that God wants to be feared in His entirety- even for His goodness.  This fear is not one that hides me in the corner, trembling for fear of punishment.  Rather, it's a fear of respect, that I would honor God in His compassion and mercy and not try to take advantage of a system where I am forgiven my sins.  Godly fear brings obedience and life.  I cling to this word, that God forgives me that I will respect, honor, and love Him in His goodness.

Day 5  

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Joel 2:12&13

12 “Yet even now,” declares the Lord,
“return to me with all your heart,
with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning;
13 and rend your hearts and not your garments.”
Return to the Lord your God,
for he is gracious and merciful,
slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love;
and he relents over disaster.

Would that I believe the Lord is slow to anger, abounding in steadfast love.  He isn't waiting to punish me, and He doesn't view me merely as a screw up who wastes His time.  He sees me in my place of most desperate need, meeting me there and singing love over me.  Precious, precious love.

Love.

Day 4  

Posted by Tami in

Hosea 14


14:1 Return, O Israel, to the Lord your God,
for you have stumbled because of your iniquity.
Take with you words
and return to the Lord;
say to him,
“Take away all iniquity;
accept what is good,
and we will pay with bulls
the vows [1] of our lips.
Assyria shall not save us;
we will not ride on horses;
and we will say no more, ‘Our God,’
to the work of our hands.
In you the orphan finds mercy.”

I will heal their apostasy;
I will love them freely,
for my anger has turned from them.
I will be like the dew to Israel;
he shall blossom like the lily;
he shall take root like the trees of Lebanon;
his shoots shall spread out;
his beauty shall be like the olive,
and his fragrance like Lebanon.
They shall return and dwell beneath my [2] shadow;
they shall flourish like the grain;
they shall blossom like the vine;
their fame shall be like the wine of Lebanon.

O Ephraim, what have I to do with idols?
It is I who answer and look after you. [3]
I am like an evergreen cypress;
from me comes your fruit.

Whoever is wise, let him understand these things;
whoever is discerning, let him know them;
for the ways of the Lord are right,
and the upright walk in them,
but transgressors stumble in them.



Does anyone else see a theme in what the Lord is teaching me right now?  Patience.  Grace.  Forgiveness.  Love.

Day 3  

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Hosea 11

The Lord's Love for Israel

11:1 When Israel was a child, I loved him,
and out of Egypt I called my son.
The more they were called,
the more they went away;
they kept sacrificing to the Baals
and burning offerings to idols.
Yet it was I who taught Ephraim to walk;
I took them up by their arms,
but they did not know that I healed them.
I led them with cords of kindness,
with the bands of love,
and I became to them as one who eases the yoke on their jaws,
and I bent down to them and fed them.
They shall not return to the land of Egypt,
but Assyria shall be their king,
because they have refused to return to me.
The sword shall rage against their cities,
consume the bars of their gates,
and devour them because of their own counsels.
My people are bent on turning away from me,
and though they call out to the Most High,
he shall not raise them up at all.
How can I give you up, O Ephraim?
How can I hand you over, O Israel?
How can I make you like Admah?
How can I treat you like Zeboiim?
My heart recoils within me;
my compassion grows warm and tender.
I will not execute my burning anger;
I will not again destroy Ephraim;
for I am God and not a man,
the Holy One in your midst,
and I will not come in wrath.
10 They shall go after the Lord;
he will roar like a lion;
when he roars,
his children shall come trembling from the west;
11 they shall come trembling like birds from Egypt,
and like doves from the land of Assyria,
and I will return them to their homes, declares the Lord.
12  Ephraim has surrounded me with lies,
and the house of Israel with deceit,
but Judah still walks with God
and is faithful to the Holy One.

What hit me is this- God chooses us, loves us even as we constantly deny and rebel against Him, holds our hand and gives us every good thing in our life, and we curse Him because nothing is ever enough and His will doesn't satisfy so we keep pursuing idols.  Eventually the love and mercy of God requires that a measure of His wrath is brought upon us to strip us bare of the death we cloaked ourselves in, so that we will return to Him.  Only when we are naked and bleeding, exposed and raw, do we realize that the only satisfaction we'll ever know is found in Him. 

Some might say that if God exists and that He is love there would be no suffering in the world.  There is suffering in the world because we are sinners, and God's love is the patience He has with us to not completely and utterly destroy us all.  The perfect and Holy God who created all things has every right to incinerate us all, but His love continually heals the broken and woos them to Himself.

I mean not to say this in a general sense-- sin isn't "out there" and for someone else.  I am no different from Israel and Ephraim, chosen by Jesus and taught to walk yet whoring myself out for idols.  I have long worshiped at the altar of Self and I don't deserve this umpteenth (umpmillionth?) chance to be clean, to repent and walk in the Spirit.  Though it is completely undeserved, I rest in the mercy of God.  That He will not come in the wrath I deserve, but instead to have warmth and tender compassion toward me, as a loving Father, is humbling. 

Verses 8-11, again:
How can I give you up, O Ephraim?
How can I hand you over, O Israel?
How can I make you like Admah?
How can I treat you like Zeboiim?
My heart recoils within me;
my compassion grows warm and tender.
I will not execute my burning anger;
I will not again destroy Ephraim;
for I am God and not a man,
the Holy One in your midst,
and I will not come in wrath.

Lord, teach me to believe you.  Burn this word on my heart, that Your love covers a multitude of sins and in You I am clean, forgiven, restored, and loved.  You truly are God and not a man, and your patience is unending and far more than I could ever dream of, let alone deserve.  Thank you, Father, for loving me and teach me to walk in this truth so that it every step I take paints the canvas of my life with the colors of Your love.

Day 2  

Posted by Tami in

Hosea 8:7

For they sow the wind,
and they shall reap the whirlwind.
The standing grain has no heads;
it shall yield no flour;
if it were to yield,
strangers would devour it.



I must remember this, when temptation comes- putting my faith in anything other than the Living God is like sowing wind... and when it is fully grown I reap the whirlwind.  I don't want to work hard at harvesting a tornado that will disastrously rip apart my life.

This morning is hard, because I have a horrible headache that I had all day yesterday, too.  I think it's sleep deprivation- I've gone from sleeping anywhere from 8-12 hours a night to suddenly two days in a row of 6-7.  My time spent with Jesus was difficult because I was so tired and in a lot of pain and as I prayed I would catch myself falling asleep.

Usually I guiltily lumber through and wish I could sleep and feel annoyed that this is what I'm doing instead, giving up time for God.  Today I cried out to Him, asking for His help, because I want to draw near to Him and know Him; I know now that the greater sacrifice is to ignore Him because that's what makes my life empty.  To spend time with Him is to know genuine joy and peace, and freedom from the tornadoes that I have been reaping for far, far too long.

What's the point of growing wheat if you can't make bread?  And what is the point of working hard to grow a crop with no nutritional value, only to see someone else devour the little edible bits you may have gleaned?  I must continually remember this, to cling to God's word that His word alone is an endless buffet of rich foods, and that He alone brings satisfaction.